I am reminded of that classic scene from the movie version of Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club in which a Chinese woman brings her White Boyfriend home for dinner.
Her Chinese mother insists that the food is "simple" – to which the boyfriend responds, something like, "it's OK, we used to eat hamburgers sometimes at home."
Throughout the uncomfortable meal White Boyfriend keeps reaching over to pick his food, he talks with a full mouth and pours liberal amounts of soy sauce over everything (please, people soy sauce should be modestly used!).
In the end, when the Chinese mom brings out a dish she is famous for, she modestly says "Oh, really it's nothing, just another simple dish."
Never Criticize
To which, the unassuming white guy responds: "Yeah, you know it could use a little more salt." He proceeds to pour a gallon of soy sauce on the dish (!!)
Naturally, I made my boyfriend watch the movie and pay particular attention to this scene. He's been told: eat everything (even if it causes near-death anaphylactic shock), never criticize the food and always thank your host profusely.
Someone recently asked me whether it's OK to burp or slurp. I would say, in most households, yes. Slurping soup is pretty common and yes, you can do it loudly. It's known that if you slurp, you cool the soup – none of this silent gulping endemic in European households. Burping, well that can be done post-meal, probably just once. It means you enjoyed the meal (except in Japan).
It is customary, if there is a pot of tea at a table, for younger members at a dinner table to server older members. Also, let the older people reach for the food first.
Eat What is in Front of You
In terms of communal meals and the rotating table, always choose the portion of food that is in front of you. It is very rude to hunt through a dish, looking for the best piece (so yes you'll have to eat that chicken thigh even if you like the breast meat). Usually, you should not be the one to eat the last morsel off a plate – if your hosts are insistent, at least make a show of refusing before you do it!
If you are served rice in a bowl, you should bring the bowl up to your mouth. Praise each dish your host has made for you and naturally, never return something from your plate back to the original dish.
Second Helpings Are a Must
No matter how full you are, you must take second and third helpings. As a guest, this is an obligation.
If you're eating with chopsticks, never take a morsel from a serving plate and put it directly into your mouth. It must first be placed on your own bowl or plate. By the way, in Japan, you must use the opposite end of your chopstick when bringing food from the shared dish to your plate.
Oh, in reference to the chopsticks sticking out of the rice. Apparently, I've been told, in Japan it's a death omen (yikes). Chopsticks speared into rice is something done at funerals.
Another thing about the chopstick, it's not a tool to use to point or gesture at people or use to push bowls or plates around. It's an eating implement.
Finally, always bring something for your hosts. Doesn't matter what they say, you must must must bring a gift.
Obviously, these guidelines are basic and don't apply to every single Asian culture. There are many books and websites out there. Happy digging and eating.
Makan Makan.
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